You Can Get Here from There

Hampi is a magical must see! Hampi was a fortified city from the Vijayanagara empire with extraordinary architecture and is now a UNESCO world heritage site and the #2 attraction in India just behind the Taj Mahal. You would think it would be easy to get there. 

We plotted possible modes of transport at home and came up with convoluted routes, turning to a travel agent once we were on the ground. Trains are only on certain days and must be booked months in advance. Despite Varkala and Hampi being on the same side of the country, the only way our agent could find was to take a drive from Varkala to Trivandrum, a plane from there to Chennai on the other side of the country and then slingshot back across to Hubli by plane to have a final 3 hour drive. Did we want to see it that badly? We thought we did.

Come Hampi time, we woke up from our Varkala beds at 4am for the drive to Trivandrum Airport. First leg completed. We found some coconut water, seaweed potato crackers and chai to make up our breakfast. At airport security they shook us down, taking some grooming implements from K and making me take down my pants to show her my money belt inside and out. There was a tense moment when K momentarily couldn’t find her wallet after security. In India, you don’t walk alongside the machine to grab the trays on the other end. You put all your valuables and money in trays that go in one direction while you have to go somewhere else to have your person screened and you don’t get through at the same pace, so all your valuables are sitting there in plain sight amongst strangers until you meet up with them again. 

We lifted off from Trivandrum without further incident and made our way to Chennai, where we once again went through security, after having our documents scanned by a woman who moved so slowly she must be half sloth and K was relieved of more grooming implements. I thought the pat down woman said something about pants and started to take my pants down for her, causing her to loudly restate “boarding PASS, Madam.” We were off to find our gate for Hubbli, which wasn’t marked anywhere. It seems IndiGo reuses the ground gates so frequently at Chennai that the destination isn’t posted at the gate until almost boarding time. It can make for quite a scramble. 

We were finally flagged onto a bus and taken to a plane on the airfield. The ramp people seemed confused and left us roasting on the tarmac while they conferred. “Is anyone here for Hubli?” an official seeming man finally asked. A sizeable group of us were then informed this plane we were on the verge of boarding was to Delhi. Apparently they had mixed both flights at the boarding gate and we had to get back on the bus to wait awhile before being driven… to the next plane 50 feet away. 

Here we were, on the plane to Hubli with a group of people who had obviously never flown before. They were taking videos out the window and of each other and having online conversations with people at home showing them the inside of a plane. Around half an hour into the flight came the announcement that we hit a snag and would be returning to Chennai. The plane banked and circled fairly sharply before depositing us back on the same spot of land we had just left. Attendants asked us to remain seated, which didn’t go so very well. Some people needed the toilet and others needed to know what we going on. There were announcements that all passengers needed to settle down and behave. We all got a cup of water and a paper bag of snacks before they gave us the sad news that our flight could not be repaired and would not be departing today. They asked us to deplane, but most people were absorbed with their snack bags so we were amongst the first off, noting that the problem area seemed to be the engine. Yikes!

We 3 booted it to the airline help desk I had noted earlier and were the first there. I asked about options for our flight but she said next desk. We went to that desk and he said to go back to the other desk. We dragged him along to tell her she had to serve us and the next few moments proved to be crucial. I handed her my passport and boarding pass and she immediately made a call before the horde descended; angry men yelling and waving boarding passes in her face. She asked us 3 to wait for a manager. 

More men arrived and she fled with them, and us, in hot pursuit to the other help desk that had a computer. The men ringed her, demanding very stridently that she put them on the next flight TODAY! The more she told them to calm down and stop yelling at her, the worse they behaved. It felt mobbish and we were not feeling optimistic about regaining her attention. 

Just then, one of the other help women standing there unhelpfully, announced “the manager, Madam,” and a man separated us from the crowd, handed the three of us boarding passes for a plane leaving momentarily and told us to GO. He accompanied us to security where Sloth woman thought about it for 10 seconds before slowly lifting her arm to take my boarding pass. The manager goaded her but she couldn’t seem to move any faster. I got through and ran to the same security I had just been through and had to take everything apart again for them. A replacement came and pushed Slothgirl aside to get G through before the next ice age. I entered the women’s pat down area where the security person I had accidentally flashed remembered me and sent me through with a cursory pat down and a giggle. At the security belt it was a total breakdown. There was one man on the x-ray and he wanted to go through all of our bags. The manager was screaming at him to let us go since we had already been through. He refused. He stopped the machine and went to the phone to complain or ask for orders or call his wife, leaving all our items in the x-ray or just out of the machine but beyond our reach and with no clearance from him. My pat down woman and another security guy joined the manager in yelling at him to let us go. He was sulky but under all the yelling he slowly allowed us to collect our belongings and run for the gate that was at the far end and boarding. We arrived at our gate in a mess of sweat and deep gratitude that they had put us on a plane to Bengaluru leaving right then with a connection to Hubli within a few hours.

After the adrenaline rush of the almost flight, the 4am wake up and no actual meals, we were a weary group rolling into Bengaluru. G misplaced her money for a moment and I thought I lost my passport and boarding passes. We had no idea where anything was anymore. We rearranged the drive that was waiting to take us to Hampi from Hubli with our guest house then wolfed a few snacks and headed to the next security checkpoint. 

Transfer security was empty so they decided to thoroughly go through all our stuff. I was required to remove my pants once more and turn out my money pouch pockets. When we got to the end of the conveyor belt they wanted to see every single thing I brought, despite me pointing out the 4 boarding passes I was holding. Like, come one guys, I have been through security 3 times already! They insisted there was something in my bag - an e-cigarette, perhaps. No e-cigarette. Am I sure? Yes. They shook out my clothes, went through all my toiletries, hair elastics and charging cords, fingered my medications. The guy wanted to see the loop that hangs up my toiletry bag. He found nail clippers but wasn’t as interested as the other guy had been in K’s - he kept digging. What is in my travel pillow stuff sack? A fucking travel pillow. He was disappointed but determined he was taking something away from me. Then he found the tiny pen knife that is legal under Indian and Canadian domestic flight rules. He didn’t care. He was euphoric he had finally found something to confiscate to show this uppity woman  foreigner. All the men laughed and congratulated him on his perseverance and success. I was pretty done with the bullying behaviour of Indian men and was disappointed I didn’t have a box of tampons or Kotex to shake out and pelt him with.

I made it on the plane to Hubli to engage a holy man in armrest wars and we landed at the homely little 1 gate airport to find…our luggage made it! Through all the changes! Take note Air Canada! The IndiGo crews really rocked it for us. And kudos to our little travel team who kept in good humour throughout.

The last leg was a 3 hour drive through dusty roads to our guest house in New Hampi where cool water, fresh muskmelon juice, a light meal and a nice bed was waiting for us 18 hours later. So what if it smells like cow? This is India.