Tofuamazon in the Amazon

Getting here was not a pretty sight. I woke up barfing like a beast and continued in that state in the van and on the plane all the travel day from Lima to Tambopata Ecolodge. I filled gallon baggies and multiple airline barf bags. My new travel companions rushed over brandishing all their plane barf bags, which was handy since those suckers leak. At least they all know who I am and no one fights me for the front seat.

I was fine once we entered my weather (40C with high humidity) in Puerto Malcondado where we repacked our bags to take only essentials to the lodge.

We met Leao & Magno, our guides, and travelled with other tourists in a police convoy to go to the dock. The communities along the route were a far cry from the poshness of the Miraflores neighbourhood in Lima. Most families didn’t even have chickens scratching in the dirt. 

The landing for the motorized canoes is in a place called Infierno, or Hell. My companions agreed with that assessment based on the amount of sweat with which they were immediately drenched.

Then we were off in a huge motorized canoe for the 2 hour ride to our Ecolodge. It was a taste of paradise. Going down the brown tributary of the Amazon in a canoe sniffing the scent of jacarandas on the air and looking at CAPYBARAS on the shore. Gods, I love capybaras and I finally saw them in the wild. We also saw howler monkeys, side neck river turtles and macaws. When we made it to the lodge in the dusk there were agoutis running around, the weaver birds were almost falling out of the trees making their manic scream and off in the distance we could hear bamboo rats barking in the distance. The grounds were full of magically beautiful plants and trees between the rustic bungalows.

The night walk for creepy crawlies was where Magno realized I am really a curious 2 year old. 

“What’s that?”

“Can I touch it?” No Miss 

“What about the tarantula? Can I touch the tarantula?” No

“Are those crickets mating?” Yes

“Is that a mushroom?” Yes

“Is it hallucinogenic?” Yes

“Can I eat it?” No 

T to me “I will pay you five dollars to eat that mushroom.”

“Okay” NO!

Didn’t end up eating the mushroom but Leao did tell me that there are super hallucinogenics that “make you crazy” that grow on cows’ hooves, which started a new line of inquiry. Seriously, who was the guy who asked “What’s that gross shit on my cow’s foot? I should taste it and find out. Whoa!”

Magno drew the short straw and got me again the next morning for the jungle walk. We saw lots of cool trees and animals and masses of the most incredible butterflies. We got to see brown capuchin monkeys, squirrel monkeys, a white faced parrot, more tarantulas and my beloved whipper snake, which was found not by the guide but by a man with no snakes in his country. “Is that a branch or a snake?” asked the Irishman. “That’s definitely a snake” confirmed the Australian.

At one point Magno showed us a garlic tree, which smells like garlic when the bark is scratched. I wanted to taste it but he said no. Then I asked Leao who hacked off a piece with his machete. For the record, the initial taste is tree, followed by garlic, and finally, dirt. On a roll I decided to eat some of the fruit from a monkey cannonball, which is a seed larger than a coconut. Only monkeys eat the flesh but it looked like avocado so I wanted some. “No,” said a very patient Magno, “it will make you sick. Sometimes jungle people eat it but no one else.” So I stuck my finger in and ate some then some more. Not to be outdone, T followed. I liked it but T had some serious regrets since I t had a significant burn to it.

Our morning jungle walk ended up on a lake where we fed crackers to piranhas. I can’t handle fish but my curiosity got the best of me. They really are ugly mothers. The ugly was eventually washed away by seeing a tiny deer swim across the river.

G and a lot of our group were overheated and non-functional when we got back but a few of us wandered to the swimming hole to take a dip with the piranhas.

That night we went out on the boat with all lights out looking for caimans (like crocodiles). They are shy and hard to find, but we found 2 that we could see clearly. Leao had told us that single giant river otters are no match for caimans or anacondas so they travel the river in gangs of four laying the beats on their natural predators. I was hoping to see a caiman/giant river otter rumble.

At one point we sat in the dark with the motor off just staring up at the sky. It was absolutely incredible. As was going full speed down a river in complete darkness. 

The Ecolodge was perfect, the weather was perfect (if only for me), and the people were wonderful. If it weren’t for the mosquitos I would never want to leave.