So, some background.

 

Remember the "sprained" ankle from back in May? Well, in addition to the sprain, there was also a bony injury and 5 months later I am waiting for an MRI before an orthopedic surgeon will deign to see me. Gotta love the Canadian health care system. Meanwhile I am still in considerable pain.

 

Also, I freakin' love to scare people so badly they shriek and release bodily emissions. I have been warned that this constitutes harassment in the workplace so I refrain until I am in more appropriate surroundings. This is why I have been volunteering for Halloween haunted sites for the last five Halloween seasons. If people pay to be scared then they are fair game and my sadism can mesh beautifully with their masochism. This year is no different, except I have a chair to rest in between scares.

 

Last night started out well. It was a beautiful evening with a glorious full moon. I was positioned blocking the open gate of a real cemetery and supposed to scare people along the dimly lit path. The first couple of scares I did were sadistically satisfying. I scared one family so badly that they started to run back where they came from, and the father fell down in the dirt screaming, "Jesus Christ! Scheisse! Fuck!" while the children screamed and cried for me to not hurt them (The person at the end of the route told me they were traumatized. Who brings little kids to an adult haunted event? #dadfail) See you in your nightmares, kiddos, but your dad rolling in the dirt was brilliant.

 

It went on like this for a few more groups, until I scared two young women and a young guy came out from behind them, rammed right into me chest-to-chest and kept pushing. I wasn't supposed to let him into the cemetery and he would have me cornered in there (it's all fenced in and very isolated on the site) so I stood my ground and screamed in his ear, in character, until he got off me and left. My ankle had already been quite sore and that made it worse. Then the next group did a similar thing. The first of the two couples were startled, then the younger of the two males in the group realized there was a cemetery behind me and tried to forcibly push through my body. His female companion eventually convinced him to follow the trail of lights. By then my ankle was screaming and I realized this was a really bad set-up. Of course the more testosteroned boneheads would want to get into the cemetery through the open gate I was blocking. Still, who thinks a public event would be set up so you have to commit assault to make it through? Hell, who thinks?

 

One of the organizers came around to check on me shortly thereafter and we decided this particular spot should be closed down and re-thought for the following night. She got the key to lock the gate and got me the fuck out of there. The staff there are really good people & were supportive. I did an incident report, grabbed some hot apple cider and came home early.

 

My ankle is considerably displeased with me today but I have been promised a different ankle-friendly haunting spot tonight so I have another chance to rattle them before they rattle me.

Posted by admin at 3:12 PM on October 15, 2016